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I’m just now exiting a 20-year relationship with a man, and I have my first girlfriend with whom I am deeply in love. The process of discovery is more exciting and affirming than I ever thought possible. I am astounded every day at the sexual creativity that’s possible between two women, and the liberation from heterosexual norms and roles has been a revelation.

If you use latex condoms, use a silicone or water-based lube like Sliquid Sassy or Uberlube — oil-based lubes degrade the integrity of the condom and create microscopic holes. Whether you’re using it alone or with a partner, throw a new condom on that bad boy every time it’s about to touch a new person — specifically a latex, polyurethane, or polyisoprene condom. "You can also get a yeast infection, bacterial vaginosis, or urinary tract infection from a sex toy," says Stubbs. While there’s been no research on the topic, STIs that spread through skin-to-skin or genital-to-genital contact can also be spread via a sex toy.

If you prefer gentler, pinpointed stimulation, the Lelo Dot may be the best choice for you. The teardrop-shaped Dot looks a bit odd at first glance, but its accessible design offers focused clitoral stimulation. This sex toy is so discreet that it actually doubles as a piece of jewelry. "It's designed to be worn as a necklace, which is not immediately obvious to the uninitiated, but once you know, you know! " exclaims Destin Gerek, sexologist, coach, and author of The Evolved Masculine. This version comes plated in 24K gold, in case you feel like having a King Midas moment.

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